(I wrote this back in October. I let myself be too hurt by things that I have no control over. Since that day I’ve learned that jealousy and anger only cause pain and destruction. I’ve let go of jealousy and what I thought was anger. Love, which I still feel for this person, is too precious to be discarded for pettiness. I leave this — slightly edited — version here, only to remind myself how not to let myself feel.)

More than a year since I was here last. What has been going on lately? Life. We moved. I live upstairs and hardly ever venture out. I quit going to therapy, because I’m not being forced to anymore. (I was wrong to start when it was because “they” made me. I need to do it for me, not “for” them.)

Big family problems resolved themselves by my having a huge blowout with my mother which ended in her leaving and (literally) never being heard from again. I mean, I’m sure she still exists, out there in the great big world, but she’ll never insert her depravity into my life or my daughter’s ever again.

Oh, yes, and finally… The man that I decided I loved more than life itself, the man I once turned my life upside down for (whether he knew it or not, that’s what I did), the man I thought wrote the sun for the sky and other poetic stupidities, that man, is marrying someone thirty years younger than himself. Third marriage. She’s even younger than me. (Also younger than his last gal pal.) But I’m never ever bitter. No, not much.